My dad grew a beard this winter. Mom says he used to grow a beard every winter, but stopped for a while. Let me tell you, that beard has GOT TO GO. For the safety of cheeks and small children everywhere!
Dad likes to terrorize me by grabbing me and scritching my face and head with his beard! Today he threatened to rub it on my eyes. I could have been blinded. I told him that the beard should be shaved alive until nothing was left. No more of this scritchy beard tyranny!
Mom says that the next person to grow a beard will be Jack. What will I do then? I'm either going to have to go into hiding, or just give up! I think I need an old time hockey mask or maybe a Power Ranger mask to protect myself!