Wednesday, February 25, 2015

The Plagues

For the past week, my dad and I were really sick with some kind of bad cold. This also affected school as I constantly begged for help but nobody would reply. My mom then decided I should stay home for the week which I did. My stomach then started hurting which resulted in me throwing up on my mom and dad's bed. Don't worry, Mom got me a bucket in the nick of time. Anyway before that, I got my own tissue box which I used a lot. I then got better Sunday and stayed home Monday to work on my History Fair project. So yeah, I had quite a crazy week. I must see you later. Oh I forgot, now Jack is sick too.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(WARNING, THE TALL-TALE AND THE STATEMENT AFTER THAT ARE COMPLETELY FALSE! PLEASE JUST TAKE THIS AS A JOKE!)

My brother is trying on pants even though he hates pants. Then I called his face unacceptable. So let me go on a tangent about this one time I found a piano in my nose, which is obviously a made-up story.

One sunny afternoon, I was digging for gold as usual when suddenly I heard an E flat come out of one of my nasal cavities and pulled out the source: Beethoven's legendary piano! I don't know how it got there or what it was doing there, but who cares anyway. Somehow, I became a master and went on to stardom! Which then resulted in an accident where He-Man climbed out of the piano to look for Beastman, because we all know how it stinks to be Beastman. The event was so ridiculous, I decided to sell it to some random rich guy who found a dead jackalope inside of it. And that's the end of my story!

Hopefully it'll be passed on for generations to come and....waitaminute, what was I talking about before that? Oh yeah, about how my brother's face is unacceptable! Also, I heard a rumor that the head of Viacom said that he never liked Nickelodeon, or Avatar, or cartoons, or strong female characters, or everything in general. Well, time to start

Monday, February 9, 2015

Disney: Animation for the Gods

So you all remember Phineas and Ferb right? Well, tonight our favorite nacho-headed kid and Isabella finally got together after nine years (eight if you don't count the series preview after HSM2) and my mom & even one of the shows creators Swampy was bawling about it. Anyway, DISNEY IS PRETTY MUCH ANIMATION FOR THE LORD HIMSELF!

Before I continue praising Disney for actually making this happen, I must congratulate them for buying Marvel & Lucasfilm and becoming the mega-million dollar corporation that it is today.

Anyway like animal crackers, Disney is animation of the gods! They make so many great animated films, TV shows (well, some TV shows), video games, whatever! Being an animation stud myself, I grew up with modern Disney but I still have a soft spot for old Disney like The Lion King, Aladdin, Cinderella and others. I hope 2015 is a great year for Uncle Walt's legacy and many more to come.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Another bunch of random clips

(static, cut to Stitch working on Wander and Michelangelo)
Wander: (thinking) They're my buddies! (starts to wake up) So hungry..........(he notices Stitch) Meat?.........
(Stitch starts getting scared as he bumps into Mikey, who is talking about pizza recipes)
Mikey: Pacific Pioneer Pie. Just take four teaspoons of fish guts & a few rabbit hides and throw 'em into the blender for five minutes.....
Stitch: (whimpers as Wander turns to him)
Wander: Meat..........
(Stitch turns around to see Mikey grabbing his arm)
Mikey: Rabbit hides........
Stitch: OOOH!!!! (runs away)
Wander: Meat..........
(one Home Alone kid face later, Stitch cries......)
Stitch: HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

(static, cut to Cyborg replacing a lose bolt on the Titans Tower. Much to his surprise, the whole building accidentally collapses. More static and we see Vegeta as a nightguard at Freddy Fazbear's)
Vegeta: Oh please, I could rather wipe out an entire army rather than work at a children's restaurant. (suddenly, Freddy himself attempts to jumpscare the Saiyan prince, only to meet him face to face)
Vegeta: So you're the namesake of this joint, huh? Well then, might as well end this fad! (flies up above the restaurant and initiates.......) GALICK GUN!!!!!!!! (his Galick Gun wipes out the joint and with it, the animatronics)

(static, cut to Mario, Sonic, Mega Man and Pac-Man as mafia dons sitting at the same tables arguing)
Mario: I have the best-a family-a!
Sonic: No, mine is the best!
Mega Man/Pac-Man: (in unison) No, mine is the best!
Mario: I declare war!
Other three: Yes we shall!
(cut to Mario with Link in front of him)
Mario: Take-a them out Linkon!
Link: With pleasure.
(pan to Mega Man with Ryu in front of him)
Mega Man: Take him out Ryu!
Ryu: (random Japanese words, then he gets stabbed by Link)
Narrator: Ryu's life was cut short! May he rest with Master Gouken in heaven.
(cut to Sonic with Aiai in front of him)
Sonic: Destroy them Aiai!
Aiai: (hooting)
(Aiai is destroyed by Heihachi seconds later)
Narrator: Aiai lost his bananas.......permanently.
(cut to Pac-Man with Lloyd Irving in front of him)
Pac-Man: Time to end this once and for all!
Lloyd: Pleased to do this.
(unfortunately for him, he is destroyed by Phoenix Wright)
Narrator: Lloyd had no objections, but then he received one.
Mario: Alright-a, this could take a while so I'll end it!
(Mario uses a Fire Flower to destroy the entire building and everyone in it but him)
Mario: WOOHOO, I'M THE BEST!!!..............but I killed off all my men in the process.
(it is then revealed that the short was dreamed by the narrator)
Narrator: Mario just went through emotional pain!
Mario: AH SHUT-A UP YOU! (throws a Bullet Bill at the narrator)


Tuesday, January 20, 2015

State of the Union

So I have to do another live-blog on yet another state of the Union address........yay.

IN THIS CORNER, MARCHING IN, THE PRESIDENT OF PRESENTERS, THE CHANCELLOR OF CHICAGO..........BARRRRRACK OBAMA!!!!!!! If I were the sergeant of arms, this is how I would introduce Obama. Complete with Balboa music.

15 years into this new century, eh?

Obama says the Afghanistan conflict is over.

We want an economy where a few people do spectacularly well, and one of those would be Scrooge McDuck.

And we have a lady in the audience who is from Minneapolis, Minnesota!

Sacrificed? Don't mind if I do! (starts roasting the creator of Brickleberry over a fire) I love the smell of Daniel Tosh bears over a fire in the evenin'.

Our younger students have excellent reading and math scores? Well I'm not doing so hot in math so how is Obama helping ME?

If a bill comes to my desk that is completely phooey, I will EAT IT!

So we want to contribute in America's success? Especially the greedy nutcases in this world? I'm all for that.

So now we have middle class economics. So we should stop treating childcare like a side issue! Does that mean us kids will actually get some respect in this world for once?

Sent a generation of G.Is to college. I wonder how many were named Joe?

Obama's plans for college proposals are 2 years free community college, expanding and funding technical training. That's pretty cool.

21st century companies need 21st century info-structure. So that's why Nintendo is doing perfectly okay! And also 21st century science and technology.As long as they don't expect me to contribute to the 21st century math.

Obama also mentions diabetes. Because....potatoes. (In loving memory of the Youtube channel of Mr. Enter. Because Viacom and Fox are greedy jerks.)

Tax reform proposals are........I don't got no jokes.

Our airstrikes against ISIS are skyrocketing in Iraq but still getting there in Syria.What's the answer?

I have no idea what everyone is saying! (pulls out a big toothy grin only to snicker seconds later)

And now we move on to climate change.

And on to more important things like accepting EVERYTHING: religions, sexuality, people, etc.

Obama is walking out through a parade of hugs and kisses and handshakes.

The commentators said this is the last State of the Union that anyone will pay attention to -- we will be in the midst of presidential elections the next time he speaks. And he will be on his way out the door.









 



Thursday, January 15, 2015

Into the Woods review

Last weekend, my family went to see Disney's Into the Woods. This was a film adaptation of a musical by Steven Sondheim, taking a bunch of fairytales and squeezed them all within the span of 124 minutes such as Jack and the Beanstalk, Little Red Riding Hood, Cinderella, Rapunzel and an original tale about a childless baker couple.

There was a lot of singing and it mostly stood true to the source material. I think the actors fit the characters well. My mom was annoyed by the boy who played Jack, because he played Gavroche in Les Miserables and she hates Gavroche and little Cosette. Meryl Streep was great as the Witch. The actor who played the Baker had a funny role on Dr. Who, so we liked him too. The Wolf, played by Johnny Depp, was DEFINITELY creepy! My mom says Johnny Depp specializes in playing creepy characters. I felt like the Wolf's costume was very Tex Avery-esque and that was a good thing.

In other news, my mom's friends Lizz and Erik had a baby the other day. Good for them! Welcome to the earth, Asher. I hope you enjoy life.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Top 5 Death Battles I want to See

Ah Death Battle, the brutal Internet series where two fictional characters of similar caliber duke it out! Whether it be the tenacious Super Saiyan against the Man of Steel, the Boy who Lived against the Jedi that offed Darth Vader or even Nintendo's pink puffball against Dragon Ball's deadliest villain, Wiz and Boomstick have been analyzing combatants and trolling fanboys for five whole years! But as with many series like Epic Rap Battles of History, people have been requesting many battles for them to bring to life and that's what I'm doing today. Like what the experts do, the rules are simple:

  1. Combatants possess no non-canon knowledge of each other.
  2. Personality restraints from killing are removed.
  3. All other character traits, tactics and attributes are not removed, and largely attempted to be represented faithfully.
  4. Research sources are generally determined equally unless specified.
So, let's get started!

5. Vector the Crocodile vs Leatherhead
Now I'm not just saying this can happen just because they're both reptiles, I'm saying this because both franchises feature anthropomorphic animal characters & a human villain and both characters have quite a lot of strength. The plot for this would be that the Chaotix are hired by Shredder to take down Leatherhead and Vector is the only one that can stop him. This could easily be a very balanced battle that could tick off either the Sonic fanboys or the Turtles fanbase. Ah who cares!

4. Monkey D Luffy vs Jack Sparrow
Luffy vs Popeye was enough, but how about Luffy against a LIVE-ACTION pirate. With Straw Hat's powers of the Gum-Gum Fruit, he could easily have the upper hand and tell Jack who is the true king of the pirates! Anyway, the Black Pearl crew assault a fancy ship known as the S.S. Macbeth only to find the Strawhat Pirates also onboard. There, that good enough?

3. Hercules vs Kratos
Now before you ask which Herc, I'm leaning towards the Disney version as I'm more familiar with that one and HE CAN PUNCH HADES INTO THE RIVER STYX WITHOUT BREAKING A SWEAT! As for the plot, former God of War Ares makes a bet with Hades to see which one of their enemies is more powerful. Now this is a battle rich with anger and satanic hormones!

2. Teen Titans vs Ginyu Force
Five vs five, my kind of brawl. Angered over his loss against Goku, Frieza decides to take out his rage on someone else and that would be the Teen Titans! The order would go as so:
  • Beast Boy vs Guldo
  • Starfire vs Recoome
  • Robin and Cyborg vs Jeice and Burter
  • Raven vs Ginyu
Speaking of Dragon Ball Z.....

1. Goku vs Ryu
After Goku vs Superman, DBZ fanboys were aflurry with rage. And then Kirby vs Buu came along and made them even more angry. So the only way they can redeem themselves is pit Goku against another fictional martial artist, specifically the iconic protagonist of Street Fighter. This could easily be the most insanest fight ever and bring back more past combatants after what happened in Batman vs Captain America. And even though it's not real, please bring in Super Saiyan 5!

Well, this was a long one but it was worth it!