Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Toons These Days: Doc McStuffins

Doggy: If Dr. House had a Sheriff Woody doll, what would happen? THIS! And it's named Doc McStuffins. Alright, so there's this black kid named Doc for some reason because she is called that by everyone, and she makes her toys come to life with a magic stethoscope. Where did get she that thing, Mordor?!

Anyway, she's like a toy doctor and wants to be a real doctor like her mom when she grows up. Her friends are the adorable cuddle giving Lambie, the brave dragon Stuffy, her nurse Hallie and the cowardly snowman Chilly. Couldn't find any clever names so Disney had to make puns out of names. For a cartoon like this, they couldn't make an antagonist. Couldn't it be like an old teddy bear that's jealous of the toys?

That's enough of that. They have songs in it! Yeah, like Sofia the First couldn't top that. They're not that bad unless you count that stupid tune.

My rating? Six out of ten. Now if you'll excuse me, me and Conroy are gonna get ready for the Super Bowl.   

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Toons These Days: Thomas and Friends

Doggy: Now ask me if talking trains who live on a false advertised island can be possibly be famous? Well, too bad you little schmucks! That train show is Thomas and Friends. A show about a STINKING train! Now the plot is about said stinking train named Thomas who lives with his friends on the Island of Sodor. The peppy Percy, the oldie Toby, the big guy Gordon, the al-coal-holic Henry, the paintjob crazy James, the supposed love interest Emily and lots more. They are controlled by Sir Topham Hatt. A fat guy who always wears a top hat. Or if you live in the UK, the Fat Controller! (rim-shot)

This isn't exactly modern because it came out in the early 80s. It had many famous people narrating for a while like one of the Beatles Ringo Starr, George Carlin, Alec Baldwin and even Pierce Bronson. It's been running for 16 seasons, 401 episodes, a movie and God knows how many specials!

For the animation, it was kinda freaky. For the first few seasons I watched on DVD, it looks exactly like the stop-motion Rankin/Bass specials! If you want more, ask the Bum how he knows. The creators thought moving mouths on trains would give kids nightmares! But years later, they solved the problem with....(drum roll) computer animation!

There's also gonna be another movie set in World War II. I wonder how a certain mustachioed German war leader will think of this?  

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Toons these Days: Phineas and Ferb

Doggy: Yeesh. I thought this show was going to be stupid. But apparently I was wrong, it was a big hit. And it's called Phineas and Ferb.

It's about this Dorito-headed kid named Phineas and his silent stepbrother Ferb who make these crazy gadgets ranging from moon ice cream, a robotic platypus butt, a time machine easy chair and God knows what else! The two are followed by their friends, Isabella who has a crush on Triangle, the bully Buford, African-American nerd Baljeet, a kid who's the son of an artist who considers to be part of the gang despite being in two episodes and one who is obsessed with them.

The boys' teenage sister Candace is always trying to get them in trouble but winds up failing because their gizmos vanish out of the blue. You wanna know who took them, ask that Chester A. Bum guy. He knows.

Also, there's a subplot involving their pet platypus Perry who is a secret agent who's always beating up his enemy, Dr. Doofenshmirtz! I don't know who came up with that name but that's not important.

There were also guest stars in the show like Bender from Futurama! And if you ask me, Futurama is a pretty cool show. You got aliens, blasters, delivery service, okay I'm going off topic.

My thoughts? It was pretty good despite some of the humor being a little off. As for you Marvel fans, you'll be dying to see Spiderman in Danville!

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Toons These Days: Dinosaur Train

Doggy: Riddle me this kiddos. What happens when you put the Land Before Time and Jurassic Park in a blender, add in trains to make an unfunny cartoon smoothie? Well some losers down at PBS made one for their kids show block by the name of Dinosaur Train!

When I watched a few episodes, I thought it felt repetitive. Anyway, before we get on to what I hate about this, let's talk about the plot. AND THERE ISN'T ANY! It's just dinosaurs riding on trains. What, you think dinos are a civilized society? Since there wasn't a pilot episode to explain what was going on, not only did I think it was repetitive, it's also a humongous Big Lipped Alligator Moment. Or in this case, a Big Lipped Tyrannosaurus Rex Moment. So here's my own story.

In the early Triassic period, a meteor filled with alien goo crashes on the early planet Earth. This stuff evolves dinosaurs of all kinds including the non-dinos into civilized creatures. They somehow build a train that can travel through time. And in the Cretacious period, a Three-Horn I mean Triceratops finds a Shraptooth I mean a T-Rex egg.

Sorry, all those Land Before Time sequels are really getting on me. Anyway, the Triceratops takes the egg to a Pteranodon nest in Pteranodon Terrace overnight. The next morning, the mother named....Mom comes home to see her eggs hatching. She names the hatchlings Tiny, Shiny and Don. They couldn't find any clever names? Kinda reminds me of those Berenstain Bears. Whenever I said their names, I omniously felt like I was apart of them.

Back to Dinosaurs, the T-Rex hatches and is called Buddy. Stupid writers. Why couldn't they choose more T-Rex like names like Chompers, Tyran or even Leatherhead?

So the episode starts off with the kids doing....kid things when one of them asks a question. The only answer to that is to ride the Dinosaur Train! Yeah, let's get down to what I hate about this.

First off: the voice-acting. The three main actors have the same last name! The only ones I can remember were Rarity's little sister from My Little Pony while the other guy voices Funshine Bear and that lion kid from Sonic Underground.

Second: the episode called "Dinosaur Poop". Yeah, that's the title. Where Tiny and Buddy learn about you guessed it. Poop! Isn't that kinda inappropriate for a kid's show? Well, I phoned PBS about the idea and they say they can't remember what I said. Must've been that asthma thing. I gotta go take my medicine!

(a few minutes later)

Doggy: Whew. For a sec there, I thought my vocals were gone. Anyhoo, the show is....boring. Yep, that's what I said. Boring. I'm going to have a talk with the Bear Family about names.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Toons These Days: Peppa Pig

Doggy: Wow, I thought those educational shows with talking animals era was over. But apparently I was wrong! We had Baby Looney Tunes, Olivia, Turtle Tips!

Conroy: That last one isn't exactly a...

Doggy: And now we have Peppa Pig. What's the plot you may ask? NOTHING! (guffawing) It's just talking animals in Not-so-Great Britain doing nothing! Not to be confused with Dora, another stupid preschool cartoon with characters doing nothing at all but walking and singing! Anyway, it's about this bratty kid and her stupid little brother and their parents going on exciting adventures! Also not to be confused with another dumb cartoon by the name of Berenstain Bears! The exciting adventures are as followed. Going to the...beach? Swimming? Going on a trip? These are just stupid. A cartoon needs to have humor, action, danger, romance and the secret ingredient....more humor. A cartoon that I already reviewed didn't have any of that an winded up with the two main ingredients of a different cake. No humor, no background music and pointless romance. We all know how that went with the Looney Tunes.


(deep breath) By the way, I gotta go watch the Indiana University vs Wisconsin game. See you when I talk about another stupid show that involves dinosaurs. 

Monday, January 14, 2013

Toons These Days: Sofia the First

Doggy: Well, whoopee doo! Disney added another character to their Disney Princess line. We had the first three from 1937 to 1959, a fish,  a bookworm who falls in love with a beast, an Arabian, a Native American, a warrior, a Black person no offense MLK, their 50th animated feature and another redhead. Sofia's her name, and outshining the others is her name. Why? Because she's not really royal enough to be a true princess and she's also a kid. Great way to end 2012 Disney. Anyway, what's the story on this Bad Animation Royale?

Anyway, there's this bratty kid named Sofia who works in the village shoeshop with her mom and for some reason, her dad isn't there. Wonder what happened?

Mufasa's Ghost: Remember Doggy, I died and he maybe did to.

Doggy: But you got run over by wildebeests. Back to Sofia, they are tasked with making new slippers for King Roland II. It was a perfect and they were too. They get illegally married and the mom becomes the queen. Wait a minute, if she's married, doesn't Sofia legally become a princess? Nah, that's just stupid. Anyway, there is this evil wizard who works with the king called Cedric who hates having his name mispronounced by Sofia. Maybe it's a mental problem. Also he's voiced by Wakko Warner.

So the show opens with an hour-long pilot that actually got the Hollywood treatment by releasing it in theaters and having the three fairies from Sleeping Beauty as meet and greets.

Two months after the pilot's release, the show finally came on with a really pointless series premiere. Another thing that annoyed me that it had SONGS in it! Look at ChalkZone, they had two minute songs at the end of each episode. Sonic Underground has songs right in the middle of the episode. For those of you that hated that show, when they're no action anywhere they sing! Anyway, the main character is voiced by Ariel Winter. The same chick who's the voice of Marina the Mermaid on another Disney preschool show that I hate, Jake and the Neverland Pirates. Y'know, these two shows are kinda the same but with different themes. Back to the songs, I HATE THEM!! They are so annoying that they makes the songs in The Lorax and a Justin Bieber album sound passable.

They just have stupid themes like relationships, food, believing you can do anything and all that cutesy-wootsy hooey!

Overall, it's not that good but the characters are fine and Cedric is my favorite character even though he wasn't involved the first episode and the next one coming up next Friday. He must've fled to Saskatchewan.

Conroy: Gesundheit.

The End. Voiced by Brad Smith, Leo Menlanson and Myk Friedman as Mufasa. Art by Alex Dudley. Written by Andrew Mayer.

NOTE: This is a fan review. Doggy D. Dachshund and Conroy Cat belong to Dtoons. The rest belong to Disney, Illumination Entertainment, Nickelodeon, Warner Bros and DIC Entertainment/Sega.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Toons These Days: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Doggy: Now this is a shocker. Four pizza-eating kung fu mutant ninja turtles on Nickelodeon. Yep, it's true. And those turtles are well, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Now before we get on with it, lemme give you a little backstory on the TV turtles.

Apparently, these kids started their lives on home entertainment in 1987 as a family-friendly animated series after their days as a dark and gritty Indie comic. Several changes had to be made like giving them a brighter tone, catchphrases, love of pizza and multicolored bandanas as they all wore red in the comics. It went on for almost a decade, 10 seasons, tons of toys, three live action movies with them made by the Muppet guy, Jim Henson and two Japanese movies which I guess they're called OVAs.

Following the end of the cartoon's run, there was a live-action show made by the Power Rangers that completely derailed their fame. Why? Because of that Shinobi chick, Venus De Milo.

It would take a couple years to get our favorite heroes in a half shell back on track with another cartoon in 2003 on the FoxBox and then 4kids. Along with that, there was the Turtles' first CGI movie released by Warner Bros in 2007. The new cartoon went on until 2009 with a movie celebrating their 25th anniverseray.

Splinter: Ah, they grow up so fast. I'll just go over there for a second.

Doggy: After that, Nick got the rights to any future Turtles cartoon. And that's where this newest one comes in!

So the show begins with Hamato Yoshi, the greatest warrior in a martial arts clan called the Foot. Until one day his nemesis Oruko Saki challenges him to a duel for everything, including the love of a woman. Yoshi won, gets laid and then loses her and his daughter. Fleeing to the sewers of New York, he discovers four turtles covered in this toxic ooze. They get mutated, the turtles in human and not actually flesh and blood, they're still turtles and Hamato turns into a rat. He names them after the great Renaissance artists and trains them in the art of Ninjitsu.

A couple years later I think, the father of teenage April O'Neil, who isn't wearing the yellow jumpsuit this time and is not a reporter, is captured by the Kraang, an evil race of brain aliens that seek to take over the world.

M. Bison: Of course!

Doggy: Anyway, she meets the turtles and they promise to help her find her daddy and stop the aliens. Meanwhile, Oruko Saki, now called the Shredder which is the dumbest name any villain can come up with, hunts down Splinter and wants him and the turtles dead! So instead of a rhino and warthog at his side, he mutates two of his henchmen into a bulldog and a fish. There were a few differences from the originals like Mikey no longer says "Cowabunga" and now shouts "Booyakasha".

There was also voice actors like two actors I never heard of Leonardo and Michelangelo, Yakko Warner as Donatello, who previously voiced Raphael in the original cartoon. Speaking of Raph, he is voiced by Bilbo Baggins from Lord of the Rings. As for the rest, they are as followed. Ahem.

Some Chinese guy I also never heard of a Splinter, Tinker Bell as April, Captain Gantu from Lilo and Stitch as Shredhead and Raphael from the 2007 movie as the aliens. They also got Baxter Stockman back and we have no word on where Casey Jones is right now. Parents, save your money on Wave 1 the classic figures. Trust me, your Turtle-obsessed kids will be crying their brains out. If you'll excuse me, I gotta go get them for Conroy's birthday.   

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Something Random

I can't think of anything important, so it's that time again for....EDUTAINMENT!!!!! Today's topic: The Disney Afternoon.

In the early 1990s, Disney had a two hour programming block that would air their most popular cartoons on ABC like DuckTales, Chip 'n' Dale Rescue Rangers and Darkwing Duck.

First airing on September 10, 1990, it was a huge hit. It spawned many video games based on its programming and a short-lived attraction called Disney Afternoon Avenue that was a sneak peek to Mickey's ToonTown.

After Darkwing Duck, Chip and Dale and DuckTales were cancelled, the only shows that were left were Shnookums and Meat, Quack Pack, 101 Dalmatians, Hercules, Aladdin, Bonkers, Gargoyles, Goof Troop, Gummi Bears, TaleSpin, Timon and Pumbaa and Doug, which was acquired by Disney from Nickelodeon.

The Disney Afternoon last aired on August 29, 1997 and was reduced to 90 minutes. It was now unnamed at the time until it was finally cancelled and was replaced by another block, Disney's One-Too on UPN.

Fortunately, DuckTales were in reruns. But it was cancelled altogether and faded into nostalgia along with the other shows. The only DA shows that aired in the States were Timon and Pumbaa, which aired on the Disney Junior channel and Gargoyles which aired on Disney XD.

That's the bell. Class dismissed. Join me, Professor Mayer next time as we enter our next subject, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Monday, January 7, 2013

New Year, New Post

Well, it's 2013, Christmas break is over and I'm back to school. Good grief!

I told my mom that my New Year's resolution is to be a better man. I want to do better in school and complain less. So far, so good.

Someone made a My Little Pony creator, so I've been having fun making ponies that look like other animated characters. I made a Snoopy pony and a Homer Simpson pony. Next, I think I'll make a Mario pony!

I'm also working on my Pinewood Derby car. I'm making a Mike Wasowski car, with a round bulgy eye! My cars are sometimes the fastest, but they are always creative. I tell my mom what I want to do, then she and I sit down and figure out how to do it. Then me and dad cut the car, paint it and make it awesome. Last year I made an Annoying Orange car, and the year before that was Charlie Brown. I like to make the cars based on animated characters.

That's all, folks!