Saturday, January 19, 2013

Toons These Days: Dinosaur Train

Doggy: Riddle me this kiddos. What happens when you put the Land Before Time and Jurassic Park in a blender, add in trains to make an unfunny cartoon smoothie? Well some losers down at PBS made one for their kids show block by the name of Dinosaur Train!

When I watched a few episodes, I thought it felt repetitive. Anyway, before we get on to what I hate about this, let's talk about the plot. AND THERE ISN'T ANY! It's just dinosaurs riding on trains. What, you think dinos are a civilized society? Since there wasn't a pilot episode to explain what was going on, not only did I think it was repetitive, it's also a humongous Big Lipped Alligator Moment. Or in this case, a Big Lipped Tyrannosaurus Rex Moment. So here's my own story.

In the early Triassic period, a meteor filled with alien goo crashes on the early planet Earth. This stuff evolves dinosaurs of all kinds including the non-dinos into civilized creatures. They somehow build a train that can travel through time. And in the Cretacious period, a Three-Horn I mean Triceratops finds a Shraptooth I mean a T-Rex egg.

Sorry, all those Land Before Time sequels are really getting on me. Anyway, the Triceratops takes the egg to a Pteranodon nest in Pteranodon Terrace overnight. The next morning, the mother named....Mom comes home to see her eggs hatching. She names the hatchlings Tiny, Shiny and Don. They couldn't find any clever names? Kinda reminds me of those Berenstain Bears. Whenever I said their names, I omniously felt like I was apart of them.

Back to Dinosaurs, the T-Rex hatches and is called Buddy. Stupid writers. Why couldn't they choose more T-Rex like names like Chompers, Tyran or even Leatherhead?

So the episode starts off with the kids doing....kid things when one of them asks a question. The only answer to that is to ride the Dinosaur Train! Yeah, let's get down to what I hate about this.

First off: the voice-acting. The three main actors have the same last name! The only ones I can remember were Rarity's little sister from My Little Pony while the other guy voices Funshine Bear and that lion kid from Sonic Underground.

Second: the episode called "Dinosaur Poop". Yeah, that's the title. Where Tiny and Buddy learn about you guessed it. Poop! Isn't that kinda inappropriate for a kid's show? Well, I phoned PBS about the idea and they say they can't remember what I said. Must've been that asthma thing. I gotta go take my medicine!

(a few minutes later)

Doggy: Whew. For a sec there, I thought my vocals were gone. Anyhoo, the show is....boring. Yep, that's what I said. Boring. I'm going to have a talk with the Bear Family about names.

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