Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Toons These Days: Littlest Pet Shop

Doggy: It's been a while since I reviewed the spawn of Kratos and I decided to review something that's half as bad. This is Littlest Pet Shop people!

So there's this stupid girl named Blythe voiced by Ashleigh Ball, who also voiced Rainbow Dash and Applejack. Dang it show! Stop trying to remind me of better shows that I'd like to see again! Blythe moves to the big city that has no name and winds up living in an apartment that is under a pet shop.

The pets are as followed.

Zoe Trent, a dog who looks like Twilight Sparkle and voiced by Nicole Oliver. She is a diva who likes to sing. Shoot! This show has songs! I'll get to those later.

Then there's Russell Ferguson, a porcupine I mean hedgehog voiced by Samuel Vincent! Hedgehogs and Sam Vincent, doesn't that sound famili...now I get it, it's Sonic! He likes getting everything in order and organized. Hey Double D, you have a rip-off here!

Also there's Pepper Mildred Clark, a skunk voiced by Tabitha St. Germain. Lemme guess, she's really uptight and obsessed with fashion! No, she's a comedian. Curse you show for ripping off two of my favorite ponies! But's that another story.

Then there's Minka Mark, a spider monkey who likes painting. She's also a Pinkie Pie stereotype. HASBROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next in line is Sunil Nevla, a mongoose voiced by Peter New. He speaks one-word sentences, right? No, he can speak full paragraphs.

Then there's Vinnie Alfonso Terrio, a lizard who is not very smart. Aw super! A brain dead character! Actually, he's not actually brain dead, he's not as bright as the other pets.

Finally there's.....Penny Ling. A panda that's adorable and is nice to everyone. She is pretty cute BUT SHE RIPPED OFF FLUTTERSHY!!!

Sorry about Vinnie, he's actually a gecko but blame the horrible character designs. Everyone looks like mutants. I got a great idea for a show!

(singing) Teenage Mutant Ninja Humans, heroes who are bipedal, human power!

Yep. That's a thought. See you next time.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Bum Reviews: Sly Cooper Thieves in Time

Chester: OH MY GOD THIS IS THE GREATEST GAME I EVER PLAYED IN MY LIFE!!! (scatting Pink Panther theme) Spoilers!

So there's this grey squirrel named Sly Cooper who's a thief and he's like "I'm retiring to get laid!" I was a thief once! I got caught by the fuzz. They were bears.
 You wanna know why, because he wants to be with his girlfriend Carmelita Fox! It's fun to be together without an electric handgun!

In his stealing days, there were this tortoise in a wheelchair named Bentley and a pink elephant named Murray! Oh no, one of the Pink Elephants live! What an unusual beau.

It turns out that he's faking amnesia to be with Carmelita and he's still thieving! That varmint! His next target is an art collector and then Bentley showed up! When they were kids, they made up a plan to steal donuts, or was it cookies? I stole cookies once, Homer Simpson was angry.

Anyway, the Cooper Gang reunite because the stuff from this book called the Thevius Racoonus are disappearing! Wait a minute, Sly is a squirrel so that means that someone in his family made out with a raccoon.

That's all I could get because the game was so short! What happened to Sly? When they were in this time machine, they simply disappear! Were they wiped from existance, never to be seen again? Oh well, better luck in the sequel.


I want to make out with a squirrel and a raccoon and be a thief who is wiped from the timeline!

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Toons These Days Earth Day special: Tree Fu Tom

Doggy: (bawling) Sorry, I can't help it! It's just that (sobbing) this show, this show is so bad, I'd rather watch a Video Briqeundo film! (crying) Tree Fu Tom everyone.

So it's about this girlish boy who always goes in his backyard and always finds this tree. He does this stupid dance that would make bending in "The Last Airbender" look like the source material! Then he goes into this place called Treetopolis and has several friends including the racist Twigs, the insane ZigZoo and two others who are so forgettable that I forgot their names!

Wait, if Tom goes somewhere different, wouldn't his mom be worried. Send out a search party! File a missing boy report! Anyway, they try to make it look cool but in real life it isn't! The character designs look nightmare inducing and creepy, plus the animation looks like a MMORPG.

In short, (very quickly) it is completely stupid, there are no bad guys, it tries to be awesome so it's very bad! (bawling) Excuse me, I have to watch My Little Pony, always calms my nerves because it's more epic than this piece of junk. I'll get to that another time.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Toons These Days: Henry Hugglemonster

Doggy: Y'know what bugs me? That Disney Junior channel! They've created such hits that I wish they made a monster failure. Speaking of monsters, that's today subject Henry Hugglemonster!

It's about a family of weird-looking monsters called the Hugglemonsters. Lemme guess, it's a stupid family sitcom rip-off! A mother and a father, siblings, a baby and a dog! Been there done that, a lot of times exactly.

The title character is Henry, voiced by Lara Jill Miller. Miller is insanely known for Lambie, Widget, puppy Clifford, and many more! By the name of Hanna-Barbera, make her stop! Also, stop making female actors voice male characters! That goes for the opposite of that, boys voicing girls!

Her sister, Summer is from the planet Showbiz of course. Now who keeps naming their kids after the four seasons? First Ariel Winter and now this kid. Also, where the heck does the dad work, Monsters Inc?

My rating, 5/10 because nothing is explained! I'll be reviewing a lot more toons before the Earth Day special. Conroy, what was that ridiculous-sounding show called again?

Conroy: Tree-Fu Tom.

Doggy: (starts to shed a tear) Scuse me.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Toons These Days: Tron Uprising

Doggy: Left, shift, alt, delete everyone! This show is Tron Uprising! A digital stupidity combining 2D, CG and somehow stop-motion considering why the animation is so slow.

Anyhoo, the show takes place between the original film and the sequel. It's about a program named Beck who's the leader of some kinda revolution in The Grid. His goal is to save his home and friends from the maniacal CLU, the bad guy from Legacy, and his henchman Tesler. Beck is trained by Tron, in which Bruce Boxleitner reprises his role from the movie. Not only does Tron teach Beck the ways of the light cycle and the fighting, he's also his mentor. Not too shabby Disney.

Destined to become the next Tron, he adopts his teacher's persona and becomes the archenemy of Tesler and his evil armies.

Mermaid Man: Evil! EEEEEVILLLLLL!!!

Doggy: Don't mind him. Anyway, they try to make everything look cool, the animation, the fighting, everything! It's like trying to make changing the channel and eating look cool! (dramatic music) Anyway, it's just okay. Since Earth Day is coming, there's gotta be something juicy on. Conroy, what's up next?

Conroy: Something called "Tree-Fu Tom".

Doggy: Ah smoo!

Join us next time for the Earth Day special when Doggy reviews "Tree Fu Tom".

Guest starring Myk Friedman as Mermaid Man.