Saturday, February 23, 2013

Toons These Days: The Annoying Orange TV Show

Doggy: There's a time in every man's life where they say...why? Why did this happen? Alot of Internet personnel have been incorporated to TV like Pucca and Fred. There is one guy and it's the Annoying Orange. A show about a STINKING fruit! We all know the phrase, "if it's fixed, don't break it" but nowadays its "if it's fixed, CN has the rights".

Cartoon Network has been dishing out a lot of trash like the Looney Tunes Show, Level Up, and most recently Incredible Crew. But this show redeemed themselves. So what's the story?

Well for the webshow, it's about a talking orange who lives in a kitchen that annoys every fruit, veggie or random object he sees. His friends include a pear, a tiny apple, a marshmallow, a grapefruit, a passion fruit, a geezer lemon and also most recently, a squash. Conroy showed it to me and I didn't get it. How can they talk? Why is the orange annoying? How did this get so famous!? The show was created by one Daneboe who liked making talking thing videos.

The story of the cartoon involve these guys living in a grocery store with this guy named Nerville played by Toby Turner. They go on all sorts of crazy adventures like traveling to the center of the earth, flying on a plane, fighting knights, exploring an alien planet made of candy and lots more!

The jokes in the webshow sometimes revolves around them having no limbs. In the cartoon however they can move by hopping.

I think that's all I got for this time. Join me next time as I teach ballet to a class of mice. Try and guess that.

Toons These Days: Jake and the Never Land Pirates

(my Annoying Orange review will be coming out tonight at 7. Don't miss it!)

Doggy: Geez. And I thought Disney's interactive preschool junk were over. Cartoons are meant to entertain, not educate. They wrecked Mickey Mouse and now they ruined Peter Pan with a pointless rip off. And that pointless rip off is named Jake and the Never Land Pirates.

So it's about these kids named Jake, Izzy and Cubby who were marooned on an island. They grew into it and decided to stay. They are joined by their talking parrot Skully. Anyhoo, one day the nefarious Captain Hook plundered the island and even took it over. Remember, this is my own story, there was no pilot episode. The kids battled to the death with him and that old codfish fled with Mr. Smee and two random crew members named Sharky and Bones.

The whipper-snappers took over the island and randomly talk to nobody. That's what happens in some kids shows. And it looks like Pan was killed even though he returned as a spirit in two episodes. The kids friends include the seductive mermaid Marina, an idiot seal and many more. That's all I can think of since the others were so forgettable.

Rating, 2 doubloons out of 5. Glad it didn't make into a feature film! Or else it would've beaten all the other movies at the Oscars like winning every award in the show. Speaking of the Oscars, I gotta get ready.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

State of the Union

I haven't talked about politics in a while, so I'm going to blog about the State of the Union. I'm sick though, so I might not watch the whole thing. I have a fever and a headache and I threw up yesterday. Gross.

People are going into the room. What are those green ribbons for?

Senator Marco Rubio is going to make the Republican response. I don't think I'll make it that long.

My mom was just feeling my forehead for my fever. Then she stuck her finger in my ear and it tickled.

Oh, the green ribbons are in honor of the kids at Sandy Hook.

My mom likes Michelle Obama's hair.

My mom just asked me if I'd like to be at the State of the Union. NO. It looks very loud and crowded. It's probably hot, too. If I were there I might throw up again.

There's Paul Ryan. I still think he should have been the new vice president. Ryan is much younger than Biden and he works out more.

This is taking very long to get started.

The reporter we're watching is talking about how Obama might talk about gun control.

Here comes Obama! He's shaking hands and kissing people. I hope he doesn't get sick from kissing all those people. My mom says I probably caught whatever I have when we went to the Museum and saw the Charlie Brown exhibit last Saturday.

They need to hurry this up. I'm bored.

Obama gave a thumbs up to John Boehner.

Stop clapping and let him talk!

Jack says that Boehner doesn't consider it a privilege or an honor to present Obama! Do you think he's right?

When was "this chamber" built? I'll have to look that up. Jack says 18somethingorother.

Jack hates the line "the state of our union is strong." He says it is so badly written.

If these people keep standing up and clapping, this speech will take a long time.

What ever happened to Bill Clinton? Mom says he is off doing ex-president things.

Obama is talking about budget cuts and medicare and health insurance and reforms and retirement. The government shouldn't make promises they can't keep.

I think I'm done here. I need to take some motrin and go to bed. :-(

Toons These Days: Gumball

Doggy: There are shows that I like, shows that I hate, shows that I deplore and then the Amazing World of Gumball. This is a doozy.

So it's about this cat named Gumball who lives with his 4 year old egghead sister, legged fish, mom, dad in Elmore, somewhere. Where the kid gets into all sorts of wacky adventures like a streak of bad luck, getting his mind off kisses from his grandma and all that. But I gotta say, the show is pretty creative. I mean, we have 2D, CGI, stop-motion and even a live action knee or elbow. Anyway, Gumball's friends include a antlered peanut who's his crush, a ghost, a Sharptooth I mean T-Rex. Sorry, those Land Before Time sequels are still getting to me.

In other words, I like it more than the Problem Solverz. Guess what modern toon I'm reviewing next.

Conroy: Hey Apple, knife!

Friday, February 1, 2013

Toons These Days: The Animated Films of 2012

Doggy: Oh geez. 2012 sure has been a crazy year for us. Not only the Apocalypse didn't happen, but we also had some animated movies the past year. And I'm here to recount these crazy events. So sit back, get some popcorn you saved and join me as we look at the animated films of 2012. By the way, The Rabbi's Cat doesn't count,

The first one is a doozy, since no one knew about it on its release in January. And it's called A Monster in Paris. When I saw it, I didn't know what the heck was going on! They have this rubber beast, a corny private investigator and a blimp. That's all I can say.

The next month, anime master Hayao Miyazaki and Walt Disney Pictures brought one of my favorite books to the big screen under the name of The Secret World of Arietty. Technically I'm cheating here since it was released in Japan in the summer of 2010. But here in America, we got it in February so it counts. I really liked the animation in this one. It's called anime for a reason guys! I also appreciated the work of Bridger Mendler and David Henrie here. It's not too small to be loved.

In March, another Dr. Suess character came to the big screen and this time it's The Lorax. Sorry I complained about the songs in my rant on Sofia the First. I can explain! Let's just get on to the next flick.

To reconcile with guys who hated the character design in Arthur Christmas, (I'm talking to you Brunet) Aardman returned to their claymation roots with the help of Sony in The Pirates! Band of Misfits. Or The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists. Keep in mind that this is the first of three stop-motion films released.

I would've accepted Madagascar 3 to be better than Escape 2 Africa, but it didn't turn out well. The 3D is kinda lazy, the jokes are pretty stale and the bad guy is just another ripoff of a Disney villain, which in this case is Cruella De Vil.

The same month, Pixar stepped in with their first fairytale, Brave. Or The Bear and the Bow to make more sense. The story here is pretty weak but the animation is really cool! I mean, Meridan....Mario....Maid Marian.....Merida's big red locks looks so real! They mastered fur before and now they outdone themselves. We still love you Sulley.

With Blue Sky Studios on thin ice with Ice Age 4, the franchise is really starting to fall. Maybe the next movie will have them all extinct. And to the people outside North America, stop watching this movie! The box office doesn't lie!

For the second stop-motion film of 2012, the makers of Coraline, Laika Animation, has released the first of three Halloween related movies. And the next one is coming up. The name is ParaNorman. A film so innovative that it might get a sequel. Don't get me wrong, some of the animation is on computers.

Now we enter Ice Age 4's lovechild, Hotel Transylvania. Now this movie is directed by Genndy Tartokovsky. The same dude who brought us Dexter's Lab, Samurai Jack and Sym-Biotic Titan. (knocking) I'm not here! Go home!

The last of the Halloween Cartoon Trilogy was directed by Tim Burton. Which is actually a remake of his 1984 live-action short, Frankenweenie. It's not that great unless you count the freaky pets in this. All I can say is that one Disney animator is drawing sketches down at the studio.

Another Disney film released is now the kudigrah of Disney movies: Wreck-It Ralph. It's a movie, that's all I can say.

Rise of the Guardians is obviously the last one that came out. (Dino Time poster pops out) You don't count either! (poster fades) It's like the Avengers of childhood memoirs. All this talking about movies is making me tired.

And that's all I got for the animated features of 2012. Now let's see what 2013 has to offer.

Escape from Planet Earth: Maybe.
The Croods: Lame.
Epic: We'll see.
Monsters University: Okay.
Despicable Me 2: All right.
Turbo: Oy.
Planes: Wait, did they say theaters?
Cloudy 2: Not gonna be good without Mr. T.
Mr. Peabody and Sherman: Might have potential.
Frozen: Hope so!

See you in the cinema fellas!