Saturday, December 1, 2012

Toons These Days: Wreck It Ralph (my version)

“Toons these Days: Wreck It Ralph”

Doggy: Hey Disney, what’s up with you? First you make a cartoon about kids with shapes for heads, buy about 4,000 superheroes, make a show about Fred from Scooby Doo and a female Jim Carrey solving mysteries and now you officially quit making hand drawn and fairytale movies to make this? That’s just weird. Anyway, I know what you’re thinking, “What? Doggy D Dachshund is reviewing a movie instead of ranting on a modern cartoon?” Actually, yeah. I decided to quit ranting to review this. Okay, what’s the story?

Well, it’s about this guy named Wreck-It Ralph who is the bad guy of the arcade game “Fix It Felix Jr.” and he is sick of not being accepted by the people around him and decides to become a good guy. The only people that accept him for who he is are more video game bad guys in a support group like Bowser, Dr. Eggman, Clyde, M. Bison and many more.

When he comes home, he learns that the Nicelanders are celebrating the game’s 30th anniversary and he wasn’t invited. The offspring of Mario and Bob the Builder, Fix It Felix, has a chat with Ralph outside his apartment.

At the game “Tapper”, he meets a character from the FPS game “Hero’s Duty” and decides to take his place. He game jumps, in which his buddy Q-Bert sees and warns the characters at Fix It Felix Jr.

If you’re wondering what they mean, I’ll give you some info. Once upon a time, there was this game called “Turbo Time” and it was so hot. Until another racing game came in and the lead character of the other game named Turbo was mad! Mad, I say! So he decides to win back his popularity by jumping into the game. This caused the unplugging of both games but Turbo escaped his death.

Anyway, there is this commander lady named Sergeant Calhoun who leads the army in getting rid of Cy-Bugs. Cy-Bugs are these robot insects that were born in a freak accident. And remember, they become anything they eat! Anyway, since Ralph is a coward, the game is over. He then learns from his work at Fix It Felix Jr that Felix always gets a medal and that there's a medal in the tower that the player has to get to. Once at the tower, he avoids stepping on the Cy-Bug eggs and gets the medal.

But he steps on one of the eggs and gets launched into the racing game “Sugar Rush” where he meets Vanellope Von Schweetz, who is like if you mix Bugs Bunny with the Three Stooges, Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse in a blender, add in some candy-related puns and you got this character. She steals Ralph's medal thinking that it's a coin to get her in an after hours race. But King Candy, the ruler screws her because she's a glitch. The others racers destroy her kart and Ralph agrees to help her make a new one.

Meanwhile, Felix and Calhoun search for Ralph in Sugar Rush but get trapped in Nesquik-sand. After escaping with the help of some Laffy Taffy vines, they awkwardly fall in love. So wait, a guy from one world meets and falls in love with a girl from another world? Where did I hear that before? Oh well.
Back to the main plot, Ralph and Vanellope sneak into “Bake-a-Car Mode” which is apparently a minigame. Her car comes out pretty good but King Candy goes after them and Vanellope doesn’t know how to drive so Ralph teaches her the ropes.

Back on to Fix-It and the Commander. He’s really getting on her nerves ever since they got out of the milk-sand. After Felix calls her a “dynamite gal”, we get a shocking moment of Calhoun’s past where she was going to get married to scientist Brad Scott but he got eaten by a Cy-Bug. Kinda like me, except my wife was taken by a bear. And that guy owes me big time! Anyway, she drops off Felix at King Candy’s castle and is taken to the Fungeon by his henchman Sour Bill as a trap under the welcome mat. Anyway, Candy arrives to see Ralph as he tells that if Vanellope is in a race and the player sees her glitching, the game will be unplugged and she will die. Wow, dark. More skipping some parts later and the race begins. Ralph threatens to eat Sour Bill, because he’s candy, into telling him the truth that King Candy yanked Vanellope from the game’s code and locked up all the racers and citizens’ memories. Anyhoo, the Cy-Bugs from Hero’s Duty come in and start attacking while Candy reveals his true identity to the glitch……Turbo! (dun dun dun!) So Calhoun, Felix and Ralph ward off the bugs while Vanellope is still racing and Turbo is eaten and becomes a Cy-Bug!

Conroy: Whoa! That’s kinda scary. I’ll just be quiet for a minute.

Doggy: So anyway, like Hero’s Duty, there has to be a beacon that can attract the bugs and kill them! They are bugs after all. Ralph heads to Diet Cola Mountain and creates a volcano out of cola and Mentos, attracting the bugs and Turbo, killing them one and for all. (unenthusiastic) Hooray, there’s all dead.

Felix restores the finish line making Vanellope crossing it and revealing her to be the princess of Sugar Rush. Does that Candy was her father?

Darth Vader: Rip-off!

Doggy: May I remind that Disney already bought Lucasfilms? There are two attractions in the Disney theme parks based on Star Wars and Indiana Jones! Anyway, Felix and Calhoun get married; Ralph finally becomes a hero and keeps his job as a villain and they lived happily high score ever after. But what about Q-Bert and friends, you may ask? They got accepted into Fix-It Felix Jr. as a bonus level. So what are my thoughts? It was good, but some of the jokes didn’t make sense to me. Since this has a theme of arcade games, I give it 4 quarters out of five. Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go get my wife back and introduce that bear to my AK-47, Norm.

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